frederick local yokel

Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition


July 2017

Ruh-roh! Billy is going to have to unblock us!

It’s your friendly Yokel gals

Billy has a couple of pages, his personal one, in which he’s free to friend or unfriend as he pleases.  And a “professional” page entitled “Councilman Billy Shreve” which now falls under a totally different set of rules. Today, a federal court decided that public officials cannot block social media users because of their criticism. In a decision based on a case that originated from Loudon County, VA the judge stated:

“Defendant’s offense at Plaintiff’s views was therefore an illegitimate basis for her actions—particularly given that Plaintiff earned Defendant’s ire by criticizing the County government. Indeed, the suppression of critical commentary regarding elected officials is the quintessential form of viewpoint discrimination against which the First Amendment guards. By prohibiting Plaintiff from participating in her online forum because she took offense at his claim that her colleagues in the County government had acted unethically, Defendant committed a cardinal sin under the First Amendment.”

Well, well, well, guess who Billy blocked?! That’s right, us!!!! We look forward to being allowed back in! If any of our faithful readers have also been blocked, please let us know on either Facebook or Twitter! We know that Councilman Billy Shreve doesn’t want to be in violation of the 1st amendment.


What does Billy think is the “absolute right thing to do”? BEHOLD:

Surely you heard the infuriating news that the Orange Menace banned transgendered people from serving in the military. He cited monetary concerns and distraction as reasons to ban people who are brave enough to sign up to serve our country. Something, both he and his relatives avoided at all costs. We won’t address the distraction part of his reasoning, because GROW UP, however, the monetary reasoning doesn’t seem to pan out either.

What does this have to do with Sheep Shreve, well look:

ABSOLUTELY THE RIGHT THING TO DO! ABSOLUTELY! Oh please Billy please talk to Nancy so your opinion can be out for all to see! And how does he suppose this makes us all great again? Oh that’s right, we keep forgetting that MAGA is code for some rose colored discriminatory 1950’s utopia that these fools believe once existed.  The only thing that made us chuckle just a little yesterday was this analysis of the situation:

Billy had another Orange Menace re-tweet yesterday that we find perplexing:


What is that even suppose to mean? Are Billy and Trump hoping to establish some kind of theocracy?  We’ll let Mr. Whiskers take it from here:


Another reminder….


Your Lady Yokels are still in and out for another week. We wanted to remind you that there is a meeting this evening. So grab your agenda, remember our standing drinking game, and post your thoughts on our Facebook or Twitter feed!  We’ll be back soon!

Did Billy get into the medicinal marijuana?

Man, Billy must have gotten into some good stuff, because these Tweets he made could have only been crafted while under the influence of something!!

Where is Here?!?!?! And what must he have imagined because from where we are sitting it’s been one scandal after the next!

The most curious one is this Retweet from one of the world’s most terrible women:

What is Billy saying here? He wants zero immigration and he thinks most white people do as well because Ms. Crazypants shared some statistics?! Remember all this folks when this crazypants runs for Maryland Senate next year!

One Trumpkin, unfathomable, with nonsense and covfefe for all (i.e. #Kirby)

Crimineeeeey. What in the Sam Hill is this?

Those are the RINOs? Wowza. Kirby’s on well water, right? I hope whatever is poisoning his kooky noggin is not affecting the rest of us. Aside: 52 Followers? Good luck with your campaign #52. And best of all a parody account from back in the “Don’t put my name in the paper without permission” days has 10 times as many. Oh, man.

Apparently Trump is the ne plus ultra. What must it be like to live in this delusional world where the kooky president did nothing to promote his own party’s bill, one time said this was easy and we’d have healthcare for all–obviously before he mused, “Who knew healthcare was so complicated?” Apply the magical thinking sauce, and he’s somehow the only one who isn’t at fault. Trump is the head of a nuttier cult than the Scientologists. Honestly, we still can’t understand how a man who says whatever pops into his brain (ineloquently) and contradicts himself from one day to the next has the respect of anyone. On the other hand, we haven’t been out there entertaining the idea that #kirbydelauter was a misunderstood genius, either.

Obviously, Kirby the wannabe is well positioned to respect someone who is successfully using every opportunity for the government to line his pockets by putting everyone up at a family owned property at the many opportunities afforded to do so by his impressive golfing breaks from his cable news diet. Cue sad trombone for the excavator who wished in vain to get county contracts, but the council said, “No no no,” like good ol Amy Winehouse.


Just yesterday a poll said about a third of the Trumpin’ cohort don’t believe DJT Junior met with the Ruskies, in spite of the fact that we know because he told us he did! How are we supposed to live in a society with these fools? Let’s not see this one elected to County Executive. We’re not too proud to beg.

Missed drama

Yep. Vacation is awesome.

It is hard to stay away from our very own local reality show, even when on vacation.

We were only able to catch a few snippets so we are going to share RALE’s update for you to enjoy. It includes a link to the FNP summary of the Urbana votes as well.

Back to vacay for us.

Quick and dirty council meeting reminder

Remember our standing drinking game. ICYMI: drink Mexican beer with a lime in the neck until every blasted fool we have to contend with is erased from memory. We will be observing (or not)–and hopefully you are too (or not)–from a hammock elsewhere. Here’s the agenda.

Anticipated highlight: Council decision on Billy’s bill that he seems to be crafting by producing something subpar and then hoping if more intense work need be done that his peers might swoop in to actually do that while he still gets credit for it (a technique familiar to anyone who hated doing group work in school). As a bonus, even the intended beneficiary of this legislation expressed disinterest in it last week. You can’t make this stuff up folks.


Out of Office

Local Yokel is out of the office until August. We will have limited access to our accounts. If you need immediate assistance, please crowdsource the hell out of that.

This is your drinking game until further notice: Drink Mexican beer with a lime in the neck until you can’t remember that #kirbydelauter, President Racist Clementine, Billy, Mitch McConnell, Kathy Afzali, Paul Ryan, Tony Chmelik, or The High Sheriff exist. Cheers!

You simply must try this Shreve Afzali derptastic cocktail

The Frederick Extra’s gossip column, Extra Buzz, is infused with weapons grade WTF today. Why not just share the link? Well, the Facebook algorithm makes it so that you are more likely to see this post, so we are making a quick shooter. Please visit the Extra page for the real deal.

Afzali is still running her obviously verboten fundraiser for a campaign she apparently may or may not be running.

More ridiculously, there’s a story about Afzali spreading notes around the Delegates building in her quest to best Kirby. Del. Afzali, you are too old for this nonsense. Irrefutable proof: making paper notes to promote an online poll!

Oh, that was funny, Frederick Extra. We ❤ U!

.And there’s a nugget of “whut? whyyyyyyy?” tainting the city with the dumb aroma of Billy Shreve thanks his role in the Republican Central Committee. Our readers will not want to miss it.

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