frederick local yokel

Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition


August 2016

Let’s shrink that government! Wait, let me first issue this sweeping State mandate!

And you too local school boards!!! Boardwalk Fries needs some more moolah!
And you too local school boards!!! Boardwalk Fries needs some more moolah!

We know y’all heard by now about Governor Hogan’s Executive Order mandating that schools will now start after Labor Day and must be done by June 15th. Curiously there was nothing within this Executive Order that would help school systems achieve this, like perhaps, eliminating some of the testing requirements or lowering the number of mandatory school days. Therefore, something is going to have to go. And it looks as though that something will be Spring Break.  Baltimore County school superintendent had this to say:

Baltimore County schools Superintendent Dallas Dance said his school system would have to reduce spring break to Good Friday and the Monday after Easter to fit the required 180 days into the calendar between Labor Day and June 15.

We’ve seen people on Twitter comment how this is a summer tax for working families who now will have to find more camps and child care. Not to mention the summer slide that so many kids experience.  What we find all so interesting is that this decision was not done through the legislature, had no public comment opportunities and seems to be antithetical to the way a “less government is better” politician would behave.

Don’t get us wrong though, we Yokel moms do not want to lose our summer break. But we also do not want to lose our Spring and Winter ones either. One of the Yokel younguns even said today, ” I can’t make it through the year without my breaks.”  We also remembered how Frederick almost burned down the Board of Ed when they took Fair Day off the calendar. The hard truth is, however, if schools are required to come up with 180 days on a longer summer schedule  something is gonna get chopped!

Lots of people support this because they didn’t go to school until after Labor Day when they were kids. Well, school has changed since the good old days and we happen to think it is really bad policy to make decisions based on nostalgia. We are also super skeptical that people are going to use that time to stuff their faces with Boardwalk Fries. When this same exact subject came up in legislative hearings, school board members testified against it.  Every community should have the freedom to create their school calendar around their needs and wants. If Governor Hogan really wanted to help local school boards out he could: a) Better fund the schools b) Ease up on State testing requirements and c) study the research about how really long breaks hurt lower income kids. Every district needs to design their calendar based on the needs and wants of their community. We’ll leave you with these words from State Senator Mike Miller:

Maryland Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. (D-Calvert) criticized Hogan for not collaborating with the General Assembly, calling the governor’s action “extraordinary and legally questionable,” and saying he should have proposed the change as legislation.“It would have required hard work on the part of the Governor, and mostly likely compromise working with education experts and local officials around the state to reach agreement on how the goal could best be accomplished without harming students’ educational attainment,” Miller said.

“Making a press show about this issue over a year in advance while holding hands with the state tax collector appears like political gamesmanship.”

Can you imagine if Jan did something like this? Curious to see how Billy and Kirby are going to react when it’s their buddy making sweeping mandates.


Medical Cannabis Snack Time Update

One of the hotbox topics last night was concerning M.C. Keegan-Ayer’s proposed legislation to establish a pilot program allowing medical cannabis to be grown in agricultural zones in Frederick County. If you have not been following this matter, medical cannabis growth is currently permitted in industrial zones only. She moved to approve an amendment to that legislation, which provides for the recommendations that previous public commenters spoke about and the planning committee put forth. Setbacks and enclosures and stuff like that. So, responsive government, FTW!

cow in a weed field
Oh no Patty the Cow, there’s going to be THC in the milk! Think of the children!

Jerry Donald said that his constituents’ feedback has been overwhelmingly opposed to this program, so that is where he stands. However, the feedback from the public having been added into the legislation, it made sense to pass that amendment and let this matter return to a public hearing situation so that the public might have their say about the proposed changes. Can you imagine? Rare as a unicorn! A legislator who is listening to his constituents and behaving?! FWIW, we are into the medical cannabis and we wish we could have our way, but M.C. and Jessica are our laydeez, and Jerry isn’t. Both of them pretty much always seem to be doing what we would vote for, up to and including using the council member comments portion as a teachable moment for those who need the education. Mrs. Fitzwater got voted teacher of the year last night at the Yokel desk. The whole system seems to be working ideally as a representative democracy. We previously received some tsk-tsk genre feedback about our opinions on medical cannabis–formed due to friends suffering through cancer treatment–and what would befall Jerry if he supported this, but it seems like Jerry Donald is able to figure out what to do and isn’t even motivated at all to please us, which makes total sense and good for you, Jerry! You’re doing it right, too!

Can we please stop pretending government serves no purpose? Thanks.
Can we please stop pretending government serves no purpose? Thanks.

This entire discussion went exactly as good government ought to. In hindsight, we have come to realize this is mainly due to the fact that Billy Shreve is not opposed to it, so we didn’t have to listen to the obligatory buffoonery segment. We are so sorry to even mention this, because we thought today could be the day Billy’s clip was going to stay on green for the entirety of a meeting. He even made a quick witted joke, but then ruined it by immediately being a total jerk to Bud Otis (who, as one who was elected at-large, also seems to be doing what floats a lot of boats, so all that Turncoat Talk is also a bunch of hogwash). As it turns out, Billy later plummeted quickly through yellow and his clip was demoted to red. Per usual. Who is going to draw the short straw and have to call home about this?

Let’s get to the “sweet” bottom of this!! Your new Yokel poll!

Of course we always like to conclude a poll before embarking upon a new one. So what do our fair readers think is next on Kirby’s to do list?:


Sure wonder who that “anyone” is.

Now readers we swear we are not making any of this up! We ventured over to that noodley appendage called the Tentacle. We check it from time to time because we like to keep our readers informed on Kirby’s propaganda. Well, instead we were treated to a little essay from a gentleman named Galahad Sweetbottom , who refers to himself as the “Commodore of the Mountains”. Now your Yokel Ladies have to figure this mystery out. So far we found one other Tentacle piece on him and have discovered his Twitter feed. There’s no way this guy can be real, right? So let’s speculate wildly on the real identity of Commodore Sweetbottom!


What are words? Your handy Yokel back to school primer!


This post is a long time coming. We’ve noticed that some people in our community have a lot of trouble with these things called words. We’ve done posts explaining the definitions of words such as dictator and traitor, but apparently our work is NOT done. Therefore, this post will serve as a dictionary of sorts.  We will add to it as necessary and are open to any suggestions our dear readers may have.

Let’s start with the word INTEGRITY. We saw a post recently in which Blaine was congratulated for having integrity because he spilled his guts on the Frederick Forum program on WFMD. That is certainly an interesting take on the word. For we have been taught that having integrity means that you are honest and exhibit strong moral principals. And none of that happened on that show.

More like Gallant, Blaine. Less like Goofus.
More like Gallant, Blaine. Less like Goofus.

ELITIST is another word we see misused by the one called Shreve. Somehow it has been misconstrued to mean following proper procedure to get a law passed. The word actually means believing you are superior to others. It seems that Billy wants special treatment for himself and his buddies. Is he perchance the elitist?


ETHICS is another dicey word that gets some people into trouble. When it comes to our county government it simply means the rules of conduct recognized to keep everything on the up and up. We are not sure what Kirby thinks it means, but we imagine it’s somewhere along the lines of:


We’ll only do one more today, even though this list could potentially go on forever. PROCEDURE. Following rules, be it Robert’s or  the Council’s, is a BIG problem. It simply means to follow a particular course of action. If they would take the time to read, it really shouldn’t be a problem. But alas….

We are going to miss you Gene!
We are going to miss you Gene!

What do hotels, marijuana, solar panels and zoning have in common? Welcome to your August 30th drinking game!

Happy now Shrelauter?!
Happy now Shrelauter?!

Since the council returned from their break, we’ve heard some pretty dumb things. We are still trying to recover from Billy telling us that we can safely drink from any stream in the county, when we clearly CANNOT. What misinformation is in store for our tender little ears this week? Grab a copy of your trusty agenda, pull up next to your favorite reality channel and batten down the hatches! And as always, this game is just for fun! No passing out in the alleys!

The very beginning of our evening begins behind closed doors. The council will interview a County Executive appointee. In honor of the torture this poor soul is about to embark on, who will have to endure some “interesting” questions from the entity we call Shrelauter, warm yourself up with a Secret Garden Cocktail. 

Not sure why they bother calling the meeting to order since a few will never abide. We begin with public comment, some idiot either abstaining or refusing to vote on the consent agenda and then the approval of three budget transfers. No school transfers this week so  Kirby won’t have the opportunity to throw out his dead horse speech about the teachers on the council lining their pockets. Oh what a shame!

Dr. Monica Grant is up for approval for the Director of the Citizens Service Director. Read more about her here.  

We have one first reading on a program Regarding Establishment of a Clean Energy Loan Program for Commercial Properties. Then the council has to make some decisions.

First up is the Adequate Facilities Code. When Kirby laments the fact that his super expensive plan to fund four schools was killed, shoot back some Tough to Hear shots. It’s really becoming tiresome isn’t it?

Next up, Jerry has a plan to make zoning changes more public, so people have a chance to actually know what’s going on in their neighborhoods. “Shouldn’t” be any problems with this, but if there is, mix yourself up a B-52.

Time to decide on the marijuana pilot program. We heard some rumor that the High Sheriff was on the radio saying that prostitution should be legal, however, pot is a danger this county should never know. When we get confirmation on whether or not our top law enforcement officer really thinks a plant is more dangerous than the abuse and degradation of poor, disadvantaged people we’ll certainly let you know. For now just have your self a Elixir Bloody Mary, because we all need our vitamins.

If you have seen any of these Facebook hotel accounts, you know that the proposed downtown hotel is a touchy subject for some. However, many people came out in support of raising this tax, so we are fairly certain it’s a done deal. If the talk gets a little dicey, slam back a Stinger.

If this doesn’t get us to 7:00, Billy will complain and moan about how Bud can’t foresee the exact time a meeting will take and we’ll want to slam every clock over that head of his! Yes, Billy we all know how busy you are, and none of us gives a rat’s ass.

Billy, ranting about nothing just makes you look stoooopid.

Two public hearings on the agenda. Zoning, Adequate Facilities and Developer Rights are wrapped up all in one. The second deals with Solar Panel Installation. We’ll let your livers rest during this section of the evening. We do predict, however, that the second hearing will go smoother than the first.

Public comment and then what seems to do us in, Council Member comment. Before the C.M comment section of the evening commences fortify yourself with a Snickertini. For the only way to get through this mess anymore is to laugh.


Blaine’s a liar, pants on fire, nose is longer than a telephone wire

Yeah. What else is new? Blaine was on WFMD yesterday, which most of you know. You’d think under the circumstances, he’d lay a little low. He’s working on spinning his guilt in this criminal matter into some sort of public service mission to help others who have been victimized in the way that he has. Other slaves to their own lack of self-control. We’re not going to delve too deep into it. Just wanted to offer a little précis.


It was a softball interview that just gave Blaine a forum to rebrand himself, yet again. (Apparently he selected middle aged skaterboi on the Transmogrifyer dial, from the looks of him this time off the hooker-go-round.) In summary:

Feel bad for him. He came from a broken home. A guy down the street made unseemly advances toward him. This caused him to become a school yard bully so that he could get a change of venue, and abracadabra hocus pocus peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, he finds himself accidentally hunting for $60 motel massages. People are so mean! TL;DR. “It’s not my fault! I’m just here to help.”

He’s made a complete transition from john to attention whore.

Blaine’s gonna invade the airwaves!



We have it on good authority that Blaine will be on WFMD tomorrow from 11-12 p.m. Wasn’t his sobbing, potentially perjury ridden performance on the Bob Miller show this week enough?What could he possibly say for one hour that any of us would want to hear? It’s really starting to sound as though those rumors about him running for the District 5 council seat are true. Why else would he be torturing us with so many public appearances?  If you have something you would really like to say to Mr. Young, please call the studio at 301-694-WFMD (9363).

We really, really don’t want to listen. But for you, our dear readers, we’ll try our best.

Just one sip Kirby and Billy?

Looks like it won't kill ya!
We promise it won’t kill ya! You’ll just need a full course of antibiotics.

At our last meeting Shrelauter questioned the importance of cleaning up our local waterways. Both of our anti-science darlings assured us that nobody has died. Billy even went so far as to proclaim that we could drink out of any stream in Frederick County! Any! But Oopsy Daisy, Billy may have spoke out of turn! That’s so out of character!:

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You can read both of these articles here and here.

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Well how in Hades’ underworld could this be right?! Billy assured us that we were fine. He’s even gone on about how we should wait until year 19 of the 20 year deadline to clean things up because…REASONS.

What does this mean specifically for Frederick? Take a gander:

Red is bad, very bad.
Red is bad, very bad.
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You can read more about Enterococci here.

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Look at that explanation above! Anything over 151 cfu’s is not suitable for any bathing or “full body contact”!  We aren’t mathematicians but all of those numbers are greater than that! Perhaps we need to get a nice set of shot glasses and fill them up with a sample from each of the above waterways! Let’s see if Kirby and Billy will put their money where their mouth is!

The slacks of one Blaine Young are charred and ashy! Yokel Fact Check Edition.

By now, we all know that Blaine Young was convicted on three out of the four counts of prostitution that he was charged with. Subsequently, he was given the equivalent of a slap on the pinky. We need to explore what happened in the courtroom a little more today as the details of his Ryan Lochtiesque story have come to light. You can read the whole description here…let’s begin with our analysis.

Blaine claims that on that cold February night, he was driving part time for the Yellow Cab company. While waiting for a fare at a local Shell station, this convo took place:

He was waiting for the client at a Shell station near the airport and he mentioned to other drivers waiting there that he was having foot and neck pain, he said.

Another cab driver said that he knew an attractive blonde in the area who gave good massages. Young said he entered the terms “BWI,” “massage” and “blonde” into a search engine on his cellphone and found the ad that led him to the undercover officer, according to his testimony.

Are we to believe that this mystery cab driver happened to know that an undercover police officer gave good massages in the area? And then, in an attempt to alleviate his foot and neck pain, Blaine decides it would be a fine idea to put the words “massage”, “BWI”, and “blonde” into his search engine?  We are also middle aged people who have also suffered from neck pain. When this pain became  unbearable we went to our doctor and got a referral to go to a physical therapist. Like normal  people do. Another alternative would have been to contact any one of the legitimate massage therapists that we have here in Frederick. So not only is he weaving a web of lies, but he is attempting to implicate this other poor cab driver, of whom he is accusing of leading him down this path. This part of his story gets one of these:

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Next up we have this little nugget:

Young said he called to see if he would have enough time for a massage and when he learned that the person he believed to be a masseuse was nearby, he went to meet her. He paid her the $60 she requested, thinking it was for a massage, and he was arrested.

According to the police report he went to a website called and answered an ad where the following was stated: “Smoking Hot Blonde, Fun Freaky and Fetish Friendly.” Not only that, there was a pic of a woman in a thong that accompanied said ad. Therefore, he not only lied about the purpose of the call, well, we’ll let the judge take it from here:

“A 12-year-old boy can look at that ad and know what it’s about,” the judge said.

Duden said he did not believe Young’s version of events. Young should have reasonably concluded, he said, that the ad — which referenced fetishes and contained an image of a woman in a thong — was an ad for prostitution, not massages.

In addition, here’s what the undercover officer had to say:

The undercover detective testified at trial that Young entered and quickly began to undress. He told her that he didn’t have much time. She asked him what he wanted and Young inquired what she did. The undercover officer said she responded everything. She then asked if he wanted sex and he said yes, according to the officer.

For this part of the story  lie he gets:

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If you click back to our original post on this story back in March, you would see that Blaine apologized on Facebook for this arrest. The prosecutor brought up the post and Blaine also had an explanation for that!:

When prosecutor Natalie D’Antonio asked him about a Facebook post in which he apologized for his actions and referenced “demons to deal with and conquer,” Young said that was not an admission of guilt, but expression of remorse for what he had put his then-fiancee, children and family through.

We will just answer that with this:


Maybe, just maybe we would believe that he’s trying to change if he got before that judge and took responsibility for what he had done. Instead, he weaves a fantasy that not even the most dense among us could possibly believe. This just shows that he’s just as he always was and  probably always will be. WTOP ended their coverage of his trial with this:

“I’m just sorry and want to be a good citizen and get back to my community,” a sobbing Young told the judge.

You know what Blaine? Your community has had just about enough of you. Enough is enough. Your chances are all used up!


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