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Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition

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December 2015

Best of LY 2015

This year has flown by and we wanted to recap some of our own LY posts. In case you missed one. Because by Athena’s ghost, this stuff should not have been missed! Think of this as our very own Top 5 posts of the year! But, oops, we are including 7. We’re counting like a Council Member y’all. Hiccup. We may have been reliving a drinking game while we typed this. Burp.

#7 

 Just when we thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.  You may recall that a certain # decided to not so subtlety NOT contribute to CHS athletics.  The whole community rallied to help. Then some cranky-pants complained. Boo hiss. This is surely #7 because we don’t have the patience for all these antics. Take note of this issue. You’ll see more of it on the list.

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#6

Billy, Billy, Billy. We still crack up at those briefs.

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#5

Billy is more of an idea man rather than an actual do stuff kinda guy. Too bad he can’t get anyone to actually implement his ideas,because he certainly isn’t going to. I mean doesn’t Jan know that’s part of her job? Jeeze….

oys3u

 

#4

Oh the outrage over the cutting of Freshman sports. Blaine is still bitching about it. But not a word over teachers losing their jobs or no new textbooks. That’s all secondary to some.

you-seem-upset

 

#3

And let’s not forget the eminent domain scandal of 2015. Billy was really flailing around with this one.

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#2

Ah, this was a good one. We got to give out an award! And fisticuffs were narrowly avoided at that Council Meeting. Glad everyone made it out physically unscathed. Too bad our minds weren’t so fortunate.

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#1

#Kirbydelauter was by far our most popular post. And, it actually warms our heart because it was all for the kids (you know we mean our hearts are warm from all you readers reading – not from #’s nasty note). As noted in #7, our wonderful Kirby was not going to give any of his company hard earned cold cash to those kids over at CHS, who just want to play football. 

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Here’s hoping that next year won’t be as cray cray, then again we just saw this:

How are the dogs going to defend themselves?
How are the dogs going to defend themselves?

 

 

Curse you…you urbanite!

 

Our invitation to the caucus must have gotten lost in the mail!
Our invitation to the caucus must have gotten lost in the mail!

We here at the Yokel were expecting this to be a slow time of year for us! Seriously, we expected most people to be so involved in their holiday preparations that we wouldn’t need to post anything until the Trout Run hearing in January! But oh how so wrong we were, because dear Athena up on Mount Olympus this LTE*:

As someone who is not an enlightened urbanite — I tend to caucus with the Frednecks in our county — it has been my perception that County Council President Bud Otis has rejected the values under which he ran. In short, Otis has decided the alterations recently forwarded throughout our new county government by County Executive Jan Gardner are not only correct, but the direction we should pursue.

What values pray tell is he speaking of?  Because of course none are spelled out in said letter. And is aligning one’s self with Kirby and Billy really a value? Or a lack of one? And why all this hostility for the educated people of our community? Ever since Linda Norris’ much maligned LTE to the Washington Post, urbanite has been thrown around as though it’s some kind of cuss word. Here’s the definition of urbanite we found on the old internets:

A person who inhabits one of the major cities in the world, aged between 17 and 44. An urbanite is an affluent consumer with an optimistic outlook on life that is very different from those who live in “small town” or rural areas.

Urbanites are both a subculture and a contemporary lifestyle. They have 6 key characteristics: Time-poor, city-proud, media-literate, brand-centric, trend-sensitive and culturally-aware.

The British newspaper Metro has listed the 10 “Great expectations” that above all else motivate and drive Urbanites:

01. Expecting to live a meaningful and experience-rich urban life.
02. Expecting to succeed in multiple areas of life (not just career).
03. Expecting to get substantial fulfilment from work (not just cash).
04. Expecting to be at the hub of a large friendship network.
05. Expecting the traditional ideal of “true love” in the modern world.
06. Expecting to have to “make time” in order to have and enjoy time.
07. Expecting to use debt to have what they want, and have it now.
08. Expecting to have a progressive government that delivers results.
09. Expecting to live in a pleasant “urban village” area of their city.
10. Expecting to live a responsible life as an urban consumer.

Oohhh scary!  How can we eliminate this pestilence from our county? Because only the true Fredneck possesses the ability to truly see what’s in a man’s heart. Our local soothsayer continues:

Bless his heart — he has no actual understanding of local leadership or standing behind the values he espoused during the election season.

I am sure the wise urbanites will disagree — but we ignorant Frednecks are seeing this man for who he really is.

Is that what a lack of education buys you? Common sense and the ability to see right into a man’s true intentions? How truly stupid we must have been to spend all those years finishing our fancy book learning. That means people like this letter writer aren’t going to send their kids into the evil clutches of that mind destroying institution otherwise known as the college university. Right? How lucky we are to have these untarnished people right in our own backyard.

*  Please, please if you read the LTE click on the comments. It’s a thing of beauty today.

 

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Drinking games and FNP editorials–Soothsayers or Self-fulfilling prophesies? Take your pick.

Fellow Yokels we can sum up tonight’s meeting with this:

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Thanks Billy and Kirby!

Everything started out per usual. Billy voted no on the agenda, abstained from some consent items and, for some reason, voted against the appointment of the Chief Information Officer. Kirby started to act up a little bit when the talk turned to developers. He wants to make sure that all you people know that his precious little BOCC did not “give away the farm” to developers. We know Kirby! It was farms with a capital S on the end. Thanks for clearing that up!

Things got about as testy as we’ve seen them during council member comments. It was bad folks, like Civil War bad:

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We wonder if Bud thought of doing something like this with his gavel.

First we will start with Kirby. Because, believe it or not, he was the tamer of the two tonight. Right out of the gate, he suggested that we Jiffy Lube the FCPS custodians. Why you may ask? Because the private sector is always better! How many times does Kirby need to tell you idiots that before it sinks in? Then he starts in on Doug. It’s so mysterious that the FNP is only accurate when it prints stories that suit Kirby and Billy’s purposes. Every other time it’s an extension of the left wing media machine.

Next it’s this one’s turn:

Oh, isn't that cute? Billy has learned how to use visual aids.
Oh, isn’t that cute? Billy has learned how to use visual aids.

Billy  goes full force into Doug’s character. Now Billy has been waiting a long, long time for this opportunity. Doug has had to put Billy in his place many times over this last year. And old Billy is not above slandering Doug’s character and making accusations based on a case that he will never, ever know the details of. We all know that one of Billy’s strong suits is rambling on about things he knows nothing about. He makes us  aware of the fact that since the insurance company “convicted” Doug the council should right now this very second go on a witch hunt to remove him from his position.  That’s right, there should be a full investigation into whether or not the County Executive is harboring known insurance company convicts in Winchester Hall. And it’s at this point that we wish we had a mad cat at our disposal.

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Here kitty, kitty. Wanna snuggle Uncle Billy?

Isn’t it interesting, folks, how Billy and Kirby are always complaining about how things are politically motivated when the former BOCC’s legislation is overturned? How many times have they moaned and groaned about that? Yet, here we are. One accusation in the newspaper and they are ready to blow up the taxpayers money to open up some kind of investigation so they can get rid of one of Jan’s appointees. Well, Doug is not going to take this lying down.

You tell them Doug!
You tell them Doug!

Doug informs the two gentlemen on the dais that they do not know what they are talking about. (Durh!) Doug goes on to say that these two do not seem to be confined by anything, let alone the truth. (Sing it!) He then goes on to say that he is going to sue them for defamation of character. Now that is a trial that we here at The Yokel would want a front seat to. Bud ends this exchange, because it’s going no where and  a county council meeting really isn’t the appropriate venue for this discussion. While the grown up side of us agrees, we would have really liked to see how the rest of this discussion played out.

With Doug out of the line of fire, Billy turns his ire on Bud.

What have we told you about treating Bud this way?
What have we told you about treating Bud this way?

Billy has lots to say. And instead of ending this talk about Doug, he tries to act as though he’s not really talking about him by bringing up the FCC case. Bud throws down his gavel and calls Billy out of order. Billy waahhs, “Isn’t [he] allowed to talk about whatever he wants to during comments?” Is that a real question? The answer to that has to be a resounding: NO. Then the fight begins. In the left corner we have the embarrassment of Frederick County, and in the right, the voice of sanity.

Poor M.C. and Jessica, caught in the crossfire of this hot mess.
Poor M.C. and Jessica. Caught in the crossfire of this hot mess.

Billy questions why the council can’t have their own budget officer. Bud tells them they will. “When”? Billy demands. It will be on the January agenda. And does this guy read anything that is given to him? It gets worse folks. Billy and Kirby put forth a name for the council’s budget director. And we here at The Yokel knew exactly who it was before her name was even mentioned. And we bet you do as well. So these two lap dogs of Blaine decided to name his girlfriend. The same girlfriend with whom Blaine was having an affair while she was his subordinate. But to Kirby this is no big deal at all. He tells Bud that he’s going to have to fire a whole bunch of people in the county because this is going on everywhere. That’s right people it’s all kinds of sexytime in the Frederick County government.  Who knew!?

Thankfully Billy’s time is up, but he tries to interrupt Jerry, who in turn yells at him,”I’ve tried sharing a microphone with you before and it’s like sharing a steak with a pitbull!” Bam! Jerry then goes on to thank anyone who will be willing to work with a group as dysfunctional as this council. Everyone else was a grown up this evening. And it’s sad that they don’t often get the recognition they deserve. So we here at the Yokel would like to issue this award:

This evening's honorable mention must go to Jerry Donald for his "Best and Most Truthful Zinger" in snapping that sharing the microphone with Billy is like sharing a steak with a pit bull.
This evening’s honorable mention must go to Jerry Donald for his “Best and Most Truthful Zinger” in snapping that sharing the microphone with Billy is like sharing a steak with a pit bull.

Well done, Jessica. Folks, the only way this is going to get better is if Billy and Kirby are off that dais. There’s no fixing this. There’s just no way.

After tonight we won't be letting our kitties watch anymore council meetings.
After tonight we won’t be letting our kitties watch anymore council meetings.

December 15th drinking game–Will Disco Doug finally let Billy have it?

You better step off Billy!
You better step off Billy!

Greetings and salutations, Yokels! This week’s agenda doesn’t look very exciting, but you know with a guy on the council who can’t open his mouth without being at least partially dumb, there will still be a reason to drink.

If anyone frowns during the fire hat distribution photo op slam back a 911.

Any non sequiturs or questions which are really complaints on the budget transfers kindly sip a What the hell? Because we don’t really know what to say about this behavior anymore.

When Billy abstains from approving the minutes, yell at your TV or computer loudly : Lie down and shut up!

Here comes the fun part. After watching Billy antagonize Doug on numerous occasions, and having recently written a “letter” in which Billy refers to Doug as “Disco Doug,” we feel like there will be some inevitable Billy manufactured drama when Doug comes to present the County Executive’s appointment. Just line up a row of your favorite shots and drink at will!

If anyone has trouble understanding the summary presented by the audit company, make yourself a good old Exit the brain!

And now one last pic for our faithful readers to laugh their asses off over :


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Uh, Billy needs to know that he’s not the lion in this scenario…

 

 

 

 

 

 

We won’t give any good search terms for this one, lest we get reported again!

More Trout Run News!

 

Hey why not?
Sure, why not?

 

Not satisfied to wait for their January 4th hearing date, the faithful lawyers for Social Betterment (a.k.a. we all know who!) has filed a new petition. In this petition they have named and quoted many concerned members of our community that decided, either through email or by public comment, to speak out against the historical designation. That’s right yokels, it seems now if you decide to write to your local council member concerning your opinion about any matter whatsoever, that email is now considered testimony and can be used in a court petition. How can an email be the same as sworn testimony, any lawyers out there? We have to wonder why they singled out those that they chose to, since we are sure there were hundreds (if not thousands) of people who contacted the council on this issue. We have heard somewhere before that harassment and intimidation is the name of the game for this organization. Any hoo, we will be waiting to see how January 4th works out since it seems to be all in the hands of the judge at this point.

Impact fees: kabooooom.

So the council had a workshop last night on the impact fees associated with new school construction costs. We let that get a little ahead of us, what with all this falalalala to do. Tonight we watched with half an eyeball while wrapping gifts. That was not so fun. Happy freaking holidays. We hope you got in the egg nog we suggested earlier.

They say nature abhors a vacuum, and tonight we were missing Kirby, which really upset the ecosystem. Unfortunately, Tony got sucked right into Delauterburst mode. So the CE wants to raise these impact fees. Clearly there’s no greater pleasure in life than levying fees; she and her people must be ecstatic. Democrats just live for that, so the straw man sayeth. Actually, this is suggested in solution to the problem that Urbana and Hillcrest are overcrowded and new elementary schools are needed, not just for the decadent joy of big government.

Where are Kirby and Jessica? We miss you Jessica.
Where are Kirby and Jessica? We miss you Jessica. (I read once that writing is as much about what you leave out…)

Tony would like to solve this problem by redistricting, apparently. A thing almost no one else could possibly want. That always goes badly, but what would he know about that? At Chmelik Academy, redistricting might mean moving from the kitchen to the dining room.  Also, Tony says if Frederick High (which isn’t very relevant to the discussion, since the high school impact is not being looked at for a change at this time) looks like the Taj Mahal, people are going to be upset. I don’t know about you all, but back where I come from when community high schools look like…palatial mausoleums…people are majorly proud of their fancy-schmancy school. And I have to point out that would be a super-duper RED state, not some tax and spend paradise.

Most of the hour and a half meeting was Chmelik being rude. At one point he claimed to have still been in his line of questioning, but in point of fact the question was being answered and he was still talking like Donald Trump speaking over Joe Scarborough. He did apologize later, saying that he was railing against policy and not meaning personal offense, but whoa Nellie. It was one of those moments where even when he may have had a point, he lost it, because his behavior was so terrible. How the mighty do fall. We were just complimenting him last week.

Look how awesome Frederick High is going to be!

Good news, though. Billy will save the day. He thinks it’s not a big deal because the schools have 10% absenteeism (where? this seems unsupported by facts) so the 500 kids who do not have a permanent seat in the system…can just go to school when the flu is going around? I don’t really know what he meant. And neither do you, do you? WTH? Jerry Donald helpfully pointed out that they cannot just be beamed elsewhere. har har. How was it necessary to point that out? And yet…Plus, Billy has trotted out another idea, and that is to send elementary kids to middle school. Remember middle school? Would you go there for your even more vulnerable years? No thanks. GREAT GRAVY. Go away, Billy Shreve.

 

Billy’s delusional musings. Part 10,543.

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What a sad time of the year this must be for Mr. Shreve. All this one year anniversary talk reminds him of the good old days that are, with each passing awful day, becoming a faint memory. Who could have predicted that Blaine wouldn’t become head honcho?Or that he wouldn’t be appointed King of the County Council? As he drags himself out of bed on this foggy Sunday morning, we can only image the wounds he must painstakingly tend to. Every day since you treacherous, brainwashed voters decided that wasn’t the kind of government you wanted.

Last week, we wrote of his delusional letter that appeared in both the Emmitsburg and Woodsboro papers. Today we have another post to add to the Billy file now entitled: Everyone is wrong but I. First this juicy little item sent to us by a good friend of the yokel:

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Of course not a one of us is surprised that he’s a fan of the real life version of a oompa loompa.  However, the assertion that he is the one putting up with stupidity is beyond your humble yokel’s comprehension.  Then there’s this from today’s FNP:

“You have a lot of smart people who are collectively dysfunctional,” Councilman and former county commissioner Billy Shreve said last week. “I don’t think there is a working relationship. It’s the worst relationship I’ve ever seen.”

Shreve abstained from 61 votes in the council’s first year, a move which his council colleagues have criticized from their shared dais.

Shreve said the abstentions are not political grandstanding, but he will not cast votes when he feels there is not enough information on an item. That includes every vote relating to the county’s budget until the council has its own budget officer and every item on which he feels county staff has not provided enough information, Shreve said.

“I hope it will get the attention it deserves,” Shreve said.

Yes, we had to read that twice as well friends.  61 times in one year this man has abstained! Then he dares to throw out the totally b.s. excuse that it’s all due to the fact that he doesn’t have enough information. Is there one fool out there who believes that? He seems to have no problem casting a vote when he’s against something. He was somehow the only one able to obtain all the info necessary to approve Trout Run’s historical designation. Why is it so doggone hard for him to find out the information that everyone else on that dais seems to be able to obtain? Every time we have watched a meeting he abstains from voting on the freaking agenda.  Even Kirby and Tony weren’t dumb enough to jump on that ridiculous bandwagon. Something else that strikes us is that Billy doesn’t seem to think he’s to blame for the dysfunctional relationship between members of the council. Like a pre-adolescent child everything is always someone else’s fault.  He lives in an alternative universe where everyone else is either stupid, a patsy or incompetent. How lonely it must be for him to be the only one that knows what is really going on. What must it be like to live in that head of his? We imagine it must look something like this:

Homer-Simpson-Zoned-Out

The unbelievable musings of one Billy Shreve.

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Howdy Yokels! Some good news! We have just discovered that we have our very own version of the satire newspaper, The Onion, right here in Frederick County. It’s operating under the name of the Emmittsburg News Journal.  What’s that, you say? That’s a real newspaper? Well how can that be, after they printed this nonsense from Mr. Shreve?

I tell everyone who wants to run for office the same thing….pay your $25 and sign. Any idiot can get elected. It never ceases to amaze me how many smart people have lost elections and how many others have won.

Wait a minute….we actually agree with this statement.  We are amazed that he recognizes the fact that he’s an idiot. Maybe he’s more introspective than we have given him credit for. To illustrate the fact that he is indeed an idiot, he continues with this description of the first year of the County Council:

Year 1-My take…We have accomplished nothing zero- Goose egg-Nada-Nothing.

Goose egg? And Billy better watch the use of the word nada, people may get the wrong idea concerning his stance on the English Language Ordinance. He also, very maturely, refers to Bud as “DUD.” In fact, he goes on a long rant about Bud and what a horrible, terrible, incompetent fool he is, and how we can ask ANYONE and they will tell you how difficult Bud is to work with. Maybe we should ask Disco Doug who the most difficult person is to work with really is. If you want read the whole article here. You will have the added bonus of seeing Kirby’s letter in which he repeats his really dumb story about how NASA invented a pen to use in space and the Soviets just used a pencil. I guess he doesn’t care for progress or American ingenuity. Maybe Kirby’s a communist? What’s even funnier is the whole story is a bunch of bunk.

 

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Read the whole Snopes break down here. 

 

Notes from the desk of Local Yokel: Dec 1 meeting recap

If you were to be a F.L.Y. on the wall at the fredericklocalyokel last eve, this is what was getting swatted around here. We know we take a little too much care with the side show at the expense of the  sensible discussion, but other than the man whose legislation was being voted on, there was a whole lot of talk concentrated in that one arena.

Do consent agenda items usually take this long? No; but if someone in the construction bidness would  dig it, voila! This is fascinating stuff, and suddenly government is not just a thorn in your side, but something to hold and caress with tender loving care.

Billy.  Always trying to be in “Gotcha! Mode.” Also, Shreve sounds * just like GWB when he does it.

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“Heh heh heh.”

How is a subdivision different than an easement? Is he for real? Oh, and he assumes King George didn’t just give us Pinecliff park. So he’s right about something! Congrats. It came about in the 70’s, apparently, and the sled run was popular back then, “When we regularly got snow in the winter.” But who cares about the environment, right?

Poor Jerry Donald. He is going to have an aneurism trying to make a grown man understand that the properties of liquid are commonly accepted.  He doesn’t teach first grade science, does he?

Kirby either has no clue or is deliberately obtuse about the concept of a grandfather clause (or perhaps didn’t read this “ACA like” legislation and will find out what’s in it after it passes…spoiler alert!). LOLs for Jerry telling Kirby he has to introduce his own legislation to make it retroactive.

Kirby: I don’t want to do anything. (Nuff said.)

Why would Kirby want all the emails? He didn’t read anything before he got here (for a duration of decades, possibly). What difference could “all the emails” possibly make?

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Oh, Kirby, you should have all the email. Just read them BEFORE the meeting, mkay?

Fun fact for another #kirbydelauter talking point (people at Yale want free education): Yale is the least likely place to have angst over free education, whether you are in the science department, or not. Know why? At Yale there is 100% tuition guarantee for demonstrated need.

Cheers, Councilman Donald! Everyone does want free beer!

Let’s talk about boat ramps and rafting tours? Do you need a boat ramp to put a raft in the water? We should ask those guys who went on that whitewater adventure with the cooler full of whiskey sours during Hurricane Sandy. Does anyone know…Oh man, did we accidentally elect them to our County Council?

Tony. Tony? Tony!!! He has seen environmental science first hand and just thinks the concerns, which he finds understandable, are being overstated. (That happened! Tip of the Hat for Council Member Chmelik! Tony probably did not get invited out for Fireball shots with the friends after that.)

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Tip of the hat to Council Member Chmelik.

Poor Doug Browning. (Disco Doug!) Can you guys imagine if part of your job description involved showing up on a regular basis to be publicly flogged by Billy Shreve? (NO! We are so lucky! We don’t even have to talk to him, ever, if we don’t want to!)

Council comments include a smallish Delauterburst, and Billy chastising everyone for the dysfunctionality of the council after this first year, largely caused by the fact that despite being an incumbent county office holder he (and his like-minded, similarly experienced, and comparably cranky friend) seemed the freshman. Also not helping: Billy tries to impede functioning at every opportunity. Especially if you can make the meeting drag on so long that members of the public go home/tune out.

Happy anniversary, charter government!

 

 

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