Your weekly poll: Halloween edition

First old business:



It’s that spooky time of year! We know Fireballs will be on the menu for Kirby, Billy and Blaine. But we hear they are having trouble coming up with a good costume for their night o’debauchery. So help the fellas out and vote for your favorite costume idea:


The “What Would L. Ron Hubbard’s Aliens Do?” update

As reported by the Frederick News Post yesterday, the owner of Trout Run (which is to say by the transitive property of mathematics, where a = owner = b = The Social Betterment Society = c = The Church of Scientology) is asking that a judge reverse the denial of the historic designation that would allow the property to become an abusive drug spa marketed as a treatment center. If that is too confusing, please see some other resources on the matter. We are entirely bored with these mother-shippers. Who would have thought that with e-meters and the reactive mind and Dianetics this schtick could get old?


Just remembered–still not bored by the Scientology Christmas Catalog, which you should definitely see. Just remember, browse only: do not buy!

Someday one of us will share the story of that time we visited the L. Ron Hubbard Life Center in Los Angeles, just to get our jollies.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Now, please excuse the pussyfooting around, but this news is for your eyes only. It is very important for our purposes that you click through to the blog to see it. The Local Yokel community has a little quick and dirty housekeeping thing to attend to, so everyone get out your secret decoder rings and follow along in the process. Also, please share our news. It’s important to our readers. Think of it like one of those trashy open secrets (you know, like when someone is having an affair with a subordinate in the office).

Facebook has some totally absurd “you have to be a real person with a real name policy,” which is utterly laughable, but we won’t get into all the reasons we think this is wildly farcical. Some jerk (probably an affiliate of the Church of Scientology, since we just made fun of Xenu again, and maybe that hurt them in the feelie-weelies) reported our shared account as not a real person. We’re changing Local Yokel. He will have the completely real person name of Frederick Hicks. It’s absolutely true, one of the Local Yokel correspondents is named Frederick Hicks! What are the odds?!

Screen Shot 2015-10-24 at 9.40.09 AM

What we must ask of you is that you follow FC Local Yokel, the group, instead of posting on the wall of Frederick Hicks.  And let your interested friends know, too. Silver Linings: FC Local Yokel will be a better online community because of this, because those of us with shared concerns can consolidate and interact on a single page. As it is now, half of us are commenting in one place and half in the other. So, a minor annoyance, but the important thing is that you know and share the news, so that it works. That is all! Thank you for your cooperation and support!

Trout Run update: Let’s ring in the New Year with a Xenu lawsuit!

No, but we had hoped it was.
No, but we had hoped it was.

As we reported back in July, Social Betterment (a.k.a. you know who) filed a suit against the county. They want a judge to tell the County Council to give them the historical designation they so greatly desire. A quickie look at case search and we see that a hearing has been scheduled for January 4.  Will 2016 be the year of Narconon in Frederick County? Stay tuned….

What are our neighbors up to this week poll?!

First last week’s business:

Uh, oh Kirby. I am sure this is just as you expected.


Of course not! But please can you define common sense for us? We expect our definitions may not match up.
Of course not! But please can you define common sense for us? We expect our definitions may not match up.

What are the most pressing issues of those who are whispering (shouting) in the ear of the Frederick County Republican Central Committee?

Evening update via Mary Jane, M.D.

The Local Yokel writers are always running around at 4:30 in the afternoon, because motherhood. As a result, we were late to the party at Winchester Hall (live via satellite, ehr whatever), but did get a listen with one ear to the speakers. Most came to discuss what were largely the pros of growing medical cannabis in Frederick County agricultural zones. The meat of the matter is that the zoning is written in such a way that this might only be allowed in industrial zones.

Image from Wikipedia: Neon sign from a medical marijuana dispensary on Ventura Boulevard in Los Angeles, California.
Image from Wikipedia: Neon sign from a medical marijuana dispensary on Ventura Boulevard in Los Angeles, California.

A few of the people in favor are financially vested in this, so of course they came prepared and made good sense. Kevin Klink, who wants to operate a greenhouse, spoke about his plans and those of his greenhouse owning bro next door, who he has been giving financial advice on how to turn a profit at his floral greenhouse. Klink was joined by local attorney David Severn of Offit Kurman, as well as the CEO of Botanical Bio-Discovery.

Klink leases agricultural land from Gude, owner of Gude Brothers Greenhouse in Middletown. The pair has partnered with Botanical Bio-Discovery to apply for a license, Severn said. (Frederick News Post, October 14, 2015)

They said things like: medical cannabis is grown statewide in agricultural zones, there are plenty of examples elsewhere to show that secure facilities are not unsightly fortifications, that greenhouse growing is natural and efficient. It uses sunlight (not electric light), and this can be done safely and securely, just as it is elsewhere. Also the President of Frederick County Farm Bureau was there to say, though they’d rather not be involved in the issue, they view cannabis as an agricultural crop and hope the opportunity to grow it will be extended to farmers if it is going to be grown.

An interested member of the community who implied that he’s definitely no hippy, because there are few opportunities to experiment with pot at Westpoint…but times, they are a’changin’. He noted that the discussion is not about legalized recreational use, but that’s soon to be real and we don’t want to be left behind the times.
An LPN came in her capacity as a nurse/advocate to highlight the issue of patient needs, as well.

Cons were covered by Sheriff Jenkins and a lady who was confusing and sounded like just because she couldn’t be sure her farm was secure that meant it could not be done by anyone. Funny. I know the first only time I ever saw marijuana growing, it was in the ground, wild, on a camping trip in Nebraska. Why do they call it “weed”? Pretty sure there’s a reason…It’s unbelievable that we are successfully regulating this and putting people in prison, actually.

Chuck Jenkins, giving a spot on perfect impression of a typical Kirby Delauter indignant huff, said, “I can’t believe we are standing here having this conversation in Frederick County.” Also he’s not a doctor (whew, because you know why? Ben Carson is a brain surgeon, so maybe…Sheriff Jenkins is a doctor…terrifying), and he can’t afford any more drug enforcement. It could be unaffordable because he follows a political philosophy that is anti-tax and mostly anti-services in this county, while having the audacity to ask us to buy him a tank. Back on the other side of this screen, we would gladly pay for good law enforcement (and training! but NO armored vehicles) and all kinds of other stuff that makes communities nice. Like schools and teachers, too. The high sheriff went on to say that we should lead by saying we don’t approve of medical marijuana or dispensaries. Let’s not.

And the lady who wrapped it all up had real heart. She said at one time she’d have been on the sheriff’s side, but she’s a breast cancer survivor who found that medical cannabis made a valuable contribution that “changed the course of her treatment.” The local ladies know other women who have gone or are going through this. We hear you LOUD and CLEAR. Thank you for giving voice to reality. Cancer sucks, and you are a hero.

Take out the trash!

Bet you were thinking there would be a smart-aleck comment here about getting rid of one absurd fool or another who was very unfortunately elected to Frederick County government, but no. This is really about literal solid waste and not some drawn out analogy (or is it???).

More importantly, reduce your trash, recycle what you can, and compost your compostables. But that’s just like our opinion, man.

Anywhoo, these people are right. We said, “No,” to the incinerator. We have to find some way of dealing with this. Perhaps even more recycling or compost collection (YES) and/or pay as you throw (what do you think?). We don’t know yet what the new solutions will be, so a good idea would be providing your feedback to the Solid Waste Steering Committee. This issue is not really fun at all, but it *is* very important. This is something we all use, and we should all benefit from any improvements. Consider doing Frederick County a solid and attending one of these forums (hyuck-hyuck).

The forums are scheduled for the following dates and locations:

  • November 9,  7:00 p.m., Winchester Hall, 12 East Church Street, Frederick
  • November 19,  7:00 p.m., Oakdale High School, 5950 Eaglehead Drive, Ijamsville
  • December 7, 7:00 p.m., Brunswick Fire Company,1500 Volunteer Drive, Brunswick
  • January 11, 7:00 p.m., Urbana High School, 3471 Campus Drive, Ijamsville
  • January 23, 10:00 a.m., Thurmont Town Hall, 615 East Main Street, Thurmont

Before you go, have a cautionary tale. It features the world’s biggest open dump sites, and the images are spectacularly terrible. Also interesting is the Dirty Jobs episode where the trash collectors of San Francisco are featured, revealing an amazing amount of recycling.  Just before the 7 minute mark they get to the recycling center; 12 minutes-ish they show where separate food waste goes to fertilize Napa Valley. Brilliant! Who can’t get behind that? We can do this, Frederick County. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Our community must show what we are willing to accomplish.