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Trying to shove local politics under your nose since before it was cool: Frederick County Edition

Month

July 2015

It’s time for another one of Uncle Billy’s fireside chats!

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Oh, readers what we endure for you! It has been awhile since we have had to put up with the auditory assault otherwise know as WFMD. Before I even start with the content of this of this hour (!) that Billy spend on the air with sycophant Tim May and Frank “how the hell can you stand this” Mitchell, a word about psychology. Back in college we all took Psych 101 and during this endeavor there was much discussion about how the individual sees his or herself as opposed to how others see that person. For some there is a huge disconnect. And just as we once diagnosed Billy with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, we must opine that the gap between how he sees himself and how most of the sane world sees him is about this big:

Hey isn't this the thing that Billy said would happen here if we just allowed erosion to take it's course?
Hey, isn’t this the thing that Billy said would happen here if we just allowed erosion to take its course?

The reason for this diagnosis is due to an absolutely unbelievable statement made by Mr. Shreve this evening. Now brace yourself for this:

People tell me that I am too warm and fuzzy and don’t always get my point across.

imageThat’s the problem!!! He’s not being a jerk, he’s just like a warm and fuzzy little kitten! And according to the four people who called in to this mess of a radio program it’s true! I think the best way to try to convey what was said this evening is to break this report into sections.  The show was all over the place and if I tried to convey it to you in any kind of chronological order you may think I was having some kind of stream of consciousness fit.

On Bud:

I was frustrated at the last meeting because this isn’t Congress, This is Frederick County.

In the past, the BOCC took a bad rap because we allowed the public to talk whenever they wanted to. The current chair does not allow this.

We are going to reconsider Bud’s position. He has not only irritated me and Kirby, but also the citizens. My prediction is that there will be a movement to elect a new Council President.

You’ve made everyone mad, it’s a matter of time until you’re not president anymore.

On the new charter and accusations that he and Kirby cannot follow procedure:

I picked the people to write the charter.

This is Frederick County not Congress. (again)

I am never rude.

There hasn’t been any problem for me and Kirby in terms of adapting to the new charter

On Jerry Donald:

He’s from a very conservative district, so if he votes for the repeal of the English only ordinance, he won’t win re-election.

On Jessica Fitzwater:

She started all this stuff on the repeal.

The repeal is poorly written.

Whew! That’s honestly only the tip of the iceberg. It was sometimes hard to concentrate with Tim May’s constant yesssing all over Billy’s words. The only bit of sanity within this program is Frank Mitchell and he does attempt to take Billy to task on the English language ordinance.  When Mr. Mitchell asks Billy if he learned (ha!) anything from the speakers at the hearing or changed his viewpoint in any way he responded:

The public misinterprets the information in front of them. We were actually protecting the citizens. It’s a protection.

Mr. Mitchell bravely pushes on, asking if in reality, was the ordinance more of a statement against illegal immigration than anything to do with fiscal policy.

Not for me. It was a fiscal decision. It’s not fair unless you have interpreters for every language. It’s a communication policy.

Once again we must refer to the psychological research on the gap between how the individual interprets a situation as opposed to the rest of the thinking world.  During this whole program it seemed as though it was just one threat after another. Bud, we are going to depose you! Jerry you will not be re-elected! Jessica sought people out who were against this poorly written resolution, no one really wanted it! It’s really too much to take. And the people who called in! We here at the Yokel usually reserve our comments to those elected to serve us. But we will have to make an exception because what is wrong with you people?!

Bill (I can tell from his voice this is the same gentleman who coined the term “High Sheriff” when referring to Sheriff Jenkins during the last hearing) has some words to say about someone named Diana from Bud’s office calling people asking them to change their minds about the ordinance.  He thinks this warrants an ethics violation against Bud. Now these alleged two incidents occurred to people who contacted Bud first. Something that even Tim May pointed out and said that he didn’t see anything wrong with contacting someone who contacted you first. Now, as to the content of what was said during these conversations who knows. But it all sounded a lot like Glen Beck’s just asking questions mantra. Billy is out for Bud and he will do it any way he can. Then there was some talk about Bud bringing a county employee to a Republican political event. Billy was speculating all over the place on this one. But the crafter of the High Sheriff title threw Billy under the bus when he revealed Bud’s reasoning. Bud was concerned that Kirby or Billy may be in attendance at the meeting thereby making a quorum. So he wanted her there to take notes so the public would know that nothing behind closed doors was taking place.

There were a few more callers who “appreciate Billy’s leadership”, and ask him “to keep up the good work in the face of adversity and incompetency”. Everyone is of course entitled to their opinion, but I really hope you four were put up to this. If you can look at all we have seen from Billy over the last few months and deduce that he is a victim who has shown courage in the face of adversity, well there really may not be much hope left for humanity.

humanity

The flavor of tears

We think we may need to update their bios to reflect the fact that if it is a day that ends in Y, Billy and Kirby are crying again. It was merciful of Tony Chmelik to refrain from comment on this story. Either that or sensible. As often as we disagree with him, he doesn’t seem like his primary motivation in holding office is attention seeking behavior.

This time Billy and Kirby are bent out of shape because the procedure with the council government is to consider comments made during public hearings and vote on related actions at a subsequent meeting, in order to think first about what the public has had to say.

Shreve complains:

“You kind of lose the flavor of the discussion,” he said.

The flavor is the same every time there is a discussion. Billy abstains, Billy complains. Billy is actually pretty dang boring. We try to derive some entertainment from all of this, since we will take laughter over tears any day.

'nuff said.
’nuff said.

The “shoot-first-ask-questions-later” method that they prefer was used with the commissioner form of government. Readers may recall that at the time there was a common perception that four of the commissioners (R-idiculous) had already decided how to vote before they listened to the public comments. For some reason. Also, David Gray (R-ational) recently told us all in his public comments during the hearing about the Monrovia Town Center approval process that the other commissioners truly did not give a flying pizza crust about what the public had to say. Whaddaya know? The people were right about that all along. Could it possibly be that Bud Otis is sensitive to a need to change this perception?

So now that Bud Otis’s leadership is trying to present a friendlier approach to local governance, predictably the holdovers from the last BOCC are cranky about it.

“When I have an opinion, when I have a point, I’m going to make it,” Delauter said at the meeting.

Yes, we remember that about #Kirbydelauter…it’s kind of his thing.

Otis said he had no plans to push for any changes in the legislative process or schedule regular workshops at this point.

“We have just gotten started,” he said. “You need to see how the process works before you start changing.”

Interestingly, if you have some feedback you’d like to give on how the process works best now that you have this information, using Bud’s type of thinking you would be free to do so. And Bud can keep an open-mind about it until we see how it’s working and if people like it or not. Isn’t that nifty? Somehow, open-mindedness is still a partisan issue where we have the Democrats lining up in favor of it and talking about keeping open lines of communication. With Chmelik sensibly demurring it appears that our favorite band, Bud and the Democrats, are still together for the time being.

Quotes taken from the Frederick News Post “County council members at odds on when to debate, vote” from Tuesday, July 28, 2015.

This week’s poll: el idioma es la mejor manera de maldecir Billy en ?

Hello Frederick Local Yokel followers! We took a week off from our poll feature, but now we are ready and raring to go! Here’s the result of our last poll:

You’re all winners! Yes, Mr. Delauter himself not only used his lawn as a toilet, he took to social media to tell others why they should follow suit. Keep it classy #KirbyDelauter!

oquj7

For this week’s poll we are going to make you work a little. It’s summer and we’ve all gotten a little lazy, so this will be a good chance to wake those brain cells up. In order to participate in this week’s poll you are going to have to put the words you don’t understand into Google Translate like if you live in Montgomery County, or click on the link from which we obtained our information. Happy choosing!

Resources:

http://www.fluentin3months.com/swear/

http://www.youswear.com/index.asp?language=Pig%20latin%20

http://www.youswear.com/sitemap.asp?language=Finnish&word=Tunge+pää+perseesees!

Council member comments-Hyperbolic nonsense and rose colored glasses

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It took a few days, but the entire video of the July 21st hearing is up and running. Watch here.

We had to bail out after two hours and from our previous posts, you can see what we had to say about that. We had been waiting in intense anticipation to see the Council Member comments for ourselves. Let us begin with this gentleman:

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Now Mr. Delauter thinks he’s being deep by quoting Theodore Roosevelt. And it’s a popular technique of those who think they are losing their privilege to scramble to the past to try to justify their feelings. However, Mr. Delauter does not leave it at the quote. He goes on to say that people in 1907:

…had more common sense back then on how to run a country.

Oh really! Shall we talk about America in 1907? You know that time before women had the right to vote. When Jim Crow reigned. A time when child labor was the norm. That America? Oh, Mr. Delauter you really are going to have to get with the times.

It is also during this rant in which he proves he is the King of the Slippery Slope argument. He, in all earnest, asks if we should allow people from England to drive on the left side of the road so they can feel at home. Once again, I believe he really misses the point on what this whole discussion has been about.

One more quote before we move on:

The only fear I have is the country is being torn apart and we are all going to be speaking another language.

Then there’s this rude fella:

What?
What?

So Billy of course has many, many complaints. He belabors one of his points about how Jessica discovered that people may not have been so into his English only ordinance. Belabors to the point that Bud feels the need to interject. This fine gentleman’s response:

I am not finished. I will go at my speed and when I am done I am done and I don’t need you to help me.

Wow! Yes, you people are going to sit and listen to all my blubbering and complaining but I am going to sit up here and do absolutely nothing. So there!

Now he’s also upset about Kirby not profiting off the county:

It’s not fair! Our country was founded by people who have jobs. It’s unfair to his spouse, parents and children.

And then to Bud:

The public is seeing a different side of you and I don’t think it’s favorable.

First of all, Billy, I don’t think Jefferson, Franklin, Washington and Adams were bidding on U.S. contracts while forming this new government. But if they had, it would have been a conflict and the newspapers of their time would have torn them apart for it. And secondly, we happen to like the side of Bud we are seeing. And we admire his restraint in having to deal with someone such as yourself.

With all grace, Bud ignores Billy and goes on to talk about the wonderful Meals on Wheels program we have in this county. Hats off to you Bud.

Follow up en retard (no that’s not an offensive term, cultural purists)

Last night’s meeting is not yet in the video archives on FCG TV, so the many of us who were unable to tolerate another moment of the nastyfest are not yet able to catch the rest of the train wreck. In the meantime, some thoughts are restlessly flipping around here.

It is obvious that almost none of the people who oppose this repeal or initially favored the language ordinance have ever learned a second language. It does not happen overnight. Many people who are relatively fluent in a second language can spend all day speaking it without needing help, even though it may not be flawless (if you’ve been paying attention to these jokers who love English above all reason, we don’t have to tell you that people who speak English as their first language don’t speak it flawlessly either). That doesn’t mean they have achieved a level of comfort allowing them to use it conducting legal affairs. Those who insist that they assimilate and become good citizens have to admit that this means giving them the tools to do so, not insulting them because they aren’t perfect.

It wouldn’t hurt to admit that this legislation was only passed in the spirit of meanness in the first place. Blaine Young did.

“I believe that it sends a message that we’re not a place that condones or embraces illegal immigration,” Young says.

Newsflash: legal immigrants also speak other languages. It’s a whole process, learning. We’ve said this before, but some don’t seem to get how learning works, so repeat ourselves we will.

Furthermore, places along the border already use dual languages, whether it’s French/English up near Quebec, or to a much greater extent, Spanish/English to our south. Those with a shred of sense will learn the other languages around them, because it is a good business opportunity. All of this talk of assimilation is a bunch of garbage in real life. We will *ALL* be assimilating–immigrants and natural born citizens alike. It’s just a matter of time. History has been through this before. It’s not even vaguely mysterious.

Happy July 4th Chez Nous: frankfurters, pizza, brie, salsa and chocolate. Which is American? Let's ask a Wampanoag...
Happy July 4th Chez Nous: frankfurters, pizza, brie, salsa and chocolate. How do you translate this into American? Let’s ask a Wampanoag descendant…

A few notes on linguistics might be illuminating. Our own Germanic language changes all the time. Not a one of us could even understand Old English without a college professor available to translate. Roughly 45% of our English vocabulary–again, a Germanic language–is of French origin. This is largely due to the Norman invasion in 1066. Exactly how far backwards is Frederick County hoping to go? We also have many words in our vocabulary that are taken from Spanish. Lots of them are used all the time, especially for the weather and in ranching. Unlike the French, we don’t have a language academy attempting to replace words like tornado and derecho and rodeo and buckaroo (our Anglo screw up of vaquero). If we’re going to stamp out all of these outside influences and make them conform to us, we’re going to have a lot of studying to do.

Don’t believe us. You try reading Beowulf on your own then (or give a listen).

First 11 lines of Beowulf. Greek to us.
First 11 lines of Beowulf. Greek to us.

Part 2- Tres Caliente mess of a public hearing

Now we knew tonight was going to be one hot mess. That the crazies were going to come out of the wood work. But oh Helena up on the hill, the ignorance we have had to hear tonight has made us fear for our species’ future.

In the beginning, our eloquent councilwoman Fitzwater, gave a very stirring introduction. Her reasons for the repeal and a very necessary attack against hate group ProEnglish made our hearts soar. And there have been many, many citizens that have restored our faith.  Then there’s this guy:

Darling of the immigrant population our high sheriff of Frederick County.
Darling of the immigrant population our high sheriff of Frederick County.

What does this guy have to say? Well, it has nothing to do with diversity. It’s costly (he of course has no evidence of this), and it unifies us as Americans! It’s the way it should be!

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The anti-repeal people are very angry. And I have a feeling they are angry about a lot of things. Some of them thought it was hilarious to speak some Spanish while they were up there. And yes, we were rolling on the floor over that. Here are some quotes from this evening:

English language ordinances don’t send an unwelcoming message.

Landscapers and Dairy farmers are reaping the benefit of this.

I don’t feel like I live in America! I am 67 years old and I don’t need to learn another language!

It’s a management issue.

I worked with a Native American who was grateful he was taken from his family and forced to learn English in a government school.

You, Mr. Otis, are a monarchist.

I agree with the High Sheriff. Listen to the High Sheriff.

This repeal is only a personal opinion!

This is America! English only!

We are giving our country away. We are going into the ground.

Whew! This is almost too much. This ordinance, admittedly so, has no real legal teeth since there are State and Federal laws that must be obeyed. However, it makes us look like uneducated, backwoods, xenophobic rednecks. And enough is enough! There is no need for it! Good-bye!

Tune back in August 18th for the result!

July 21st-Part 1

You've got to stop Billy! Now!
You’ve got to stop Billy! Now!

The morose music preceding the start of this meeting was akin to the foreshadowing my English teacher taught us back in high school. This section of the meeting was supposed to be easy. Agenda approval, a couple of Budget Transfers, approval of a Fire Chief and then on to the recess. Whose gonna make this difficult?

Oh what a surprise!
Oh what a surprise!

Approve tonight’s agenda? Hell no! Question all these BT’s…why yes please. What’s got Billy all in a huff today? Well he doesn’t care for money going for an American Sign Language Interpreter. Isn’t that a foreign language, duh? He really wanted to know what the library was going to do with that $26,000 the State gave them. Because reading yuck-a-roo! At this point Tony chimes in because he knows all about this. The library is thinking of providing passport services, since they are seriously lacking. And Tony is soooo into this because he likes his travel time. Now Kirby has something to say, because damnit, he was going to be against this but now that Tony is jumping to its defense, what the hell can he do? Now brace yourself because these exact words came out of Councilman Delauter’s mouth:

If it’s a good thing and helps people I have no problem with it.

We know readers!!! What the hell? Does he think we are all new here or something?!

So back to Billy, he wants the library to have a fundraiser, but screw all this funding nonsense. But he’s really happy that the Sheriff’s office can help the heroin addicts. He’s getting tired of all the calls again.

So after all this questioning you would certainly think Old Billy boy would have some kind of opinion about this. Right?! Right?! Well, my poor naive friends you would be wrong. Because abstain it is!

Same with the confirmation of Tom Owens.

Last item on this first half of the agenda was the 1st reading of a bill for an Industrial Business/Business tax credit. Just a reading. Billy was not allowed to comment and quipped that he just loved the process under this new Charter.

Well our BFF Bud responds with, “I appreciate your comment.” I sure hope  you are talking in code Bud.

See you back here at 7:00!

Se hora de beber (Want to know what this means? Put it in Google Translate….it’s free!)

It’s that time again! Get out your blenders, fine stemware and a pillow because you will have time for a nap! Tuesday, July 21, 2015 – 4:30 p.m tune in hereRemember, too, we’re just kidding here and don’t want you to get yourself crazy, irresponsible, or irrational. That is no bueno.

When Billy stares at the flag while all others face the front, shoot back a Screwdriver, because someone’s head isn’t screwed on right.

Budget transfers in the house! If Billy says no, have The Drink With No Name. If he chooses yes, instead of the proper aye, have an entire six pack of Mad Bitch. If Tom Owens is confirmed as Fire Chief, treat yo self to a Liquid Kryptonite. Nap time! Tune back in at 7:00. Now, whip up a huge batch of Sangria! Whenever anyone talks about repealing the English Only Ordinance pour, clink glasses and take a sip. Repeat with cheers, when it’s actually repealed. If any of these pathetic, inarticulate ProEnglish people get up to speak, throw back a Barking Spider, since they make about as much sense as one. If the discussion pertaining to this:

“Jose Cuervo you are a friend of mine…”

causes a Kirby Delauter full-grown mantrum, take a shot of Cuervo straight from the bottle. If Billy Shreve also has one because he doesn’t like Jan and he and Kirby have been BFFs since the old days (bros before…what’s the saying?), hit yourself over the head with the bottle until you can’t hear him anymore. Again, joking. We actually like you guys a lot. NB: a clean win for cultural purists would mean a loss of margaritas, shots of tequila, Taco Tuesday and so many other beloved things, oh great land of cultural amalgamation.

What ARE these ProEnglish people smoking?

Hands off our Bud. Stop crashing Frederick County’s party. Here we have been celebrating the newer, saner county style brought in with our reasonable and thoughtful County Council President, and these hateful creeps come in from out of town and harsh our mellow.

Frederick County has plenty of trouble sticking to doing sensible stuff all by itself (and here we thought being open for business meant something–like also being abierto para negocios–but apparently nothing counts if you have a compulsive need to express your xenophobic message through legislation). We don’t need any unwanted interlopers bringing their outside influence on this.

ProEnglish is afraid our beloved Bud Otis is going to vote in favor of repealing an ordinance that is in a position to adversely affect the business climate in Frederick County. We have no idea what Bud is scheming, but he could be *thinking* along these lines, because it seems like a solid, sensible Republican thing to think, in light of the buying power of Spanish speakers in America. Oh, how we most fervently dream that their nightmares are true.

Please let this be true! We want this nonsense repealed. It's gross.
Eeeeee!!! Please let this be true! We want this nonsense repealed. Stop making our county look gross. Go away ProEnglish, anti-sense people.

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